I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Randomize
