There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
