I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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