this boner is exhausting
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
