Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
