Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
