I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
