if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Small penises have feelings too.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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