If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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