Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
