I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You can't motorboat a personality
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
