He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
