Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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