hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
