Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
