wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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