Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
