I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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