a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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