You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
