YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
