ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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