I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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