so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
