He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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