His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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