So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
