I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
