we have officially mastered the walk of shame
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
