No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
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My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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