she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
