She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard