I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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