I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
