I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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