Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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