i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
