i may or may not be watching the land before time
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
