1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
