maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
