....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
