i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize