my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
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Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
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I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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