So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
