this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
