I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
