I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
