I am full of burrito and curiosity
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
