So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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