From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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