i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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