i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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