I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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