and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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