I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
