...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
