why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
