i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize