your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I can't put those talents on a resume
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
