woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize