Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
