Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
