you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
