Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
