Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
