We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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