I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
