To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
