Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
