I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
