I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
