for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
