I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
